(I'm so sorry! I began writing this on 10/28/2010 and am finishing it now 12/2/2010!)
I sat for a few hours last night, staring at this screen trying to write something...because it felt like time. Even though I have a lot going on, nothing seemed to jump from my brain to my fingers, from my fingers to the keys. So... What changed between then and now? Only everything. Only nothing at all.
I've been thinking lately of trying my hand at writing (and illustrating?) children's books. I already have two stories in mind. I'm thinking they share a main character, so maybe they become a series...like Amelia Bedelia, only more compassionate. I imagine her to be a young woman living in Japan, and she'll have all of my quirky qualities (humble solitary living, vegetarianism, outspokenness, love of animals and art and storytelling, and various eccentricities), only she'll be Japanese! In one story she'll proclaim her intention to never kill another living thing--no matter how big or small-- and will subsequently encounter all kinds of critters (slugs, roaches, spiders, lizards, gnats, bees, moths, snakes, toads, and mice) who mysteriously make their way into her home and force her to put her theory to the test. I suspect she'll face her fears and cultivate a new kind of caring. In the other story, she will befriend the neighborhood gang of stray cats. Signs are posted all through town, urging people not to feed the cats, but our protagonist will pay no mind. Though she's rather poor, she will share what little she has with her furry friends, and in return they will find ways to enrich her life: Collecting seeds in their fur then bathing in her yard and "planting" a surprise garden, bringing her ribbons and scraps for her to use in her artwork, and things like that...While simultaneously wreaking havoc in the life of the curmudgeon down the street, of course. ;)
Yes, these are the things I think about when I'm walking around Japan. Homesickness has had its way with me a time or two and I feel really different sometimes; really alone. But the impact of this loneliness is not bad at all. I'm inspired by it! It deepens my understanding of others who feel misunderstood or as an outsider somehow.
When I really relax into my life here and remember that I was LED here; when I stop worrying about fitting in or feeling scrutinized, I find things tend to flow with great ease, and work out just as they should.
For example (and this is just one of MANY! ...I wish I'd been writing these down!), on Tuesday I was so excited to teach my children's class at Ebina. The 3rd of 3 classes each month is always an art class and in preparation for Halloween and to coincide with their recent study of English names for body parts and clothing, I planned to oversee the construction of a life-sized SCARECROW! My partner/friend Saida assumed responsibility for obtaining men's clothing for this project and I set about collecting all the other supplies. When Tuesday rolled around, I had everything we needed...except stuffing. I'd asked around and hunted, but hadn't been able to locate any hay or assemble enough old paper for this task! After my Japanese language class, I was FRANTIC to find some kind of stuffing before my class started 3 hours later. No luck, so I got on the train toward the church--racing through the neighborhood in my mind; mapping out where I would look and shops I would visit along the way. Between the station and the church, I scanned alley ways and trash bins and stopped by a market and asked a butcher for old paper. (I explained my situation by acting things out and sputtering broken Japanese, "kakashi"..."kami"..."naka"..."doko"..."desu-ka?") Haha! ...He took me to the toilet paper aisle. ;)
I hurried out of the market, and that's when I did something I seldom if ever do...I tossed out an, "I need some help here, God" prayer. "Do your thing," I plead with a chuckle. Rounding the corner, with only a minute's more of walking to the church, I saw a delivery truck. The driver was standing behind it and the back panel was open. The man moved one of the green plastic crates, checked something in his notebook, then removed a wad of old newspaper and set it aside. "Are you serious?" I said softly but aloud. I approached the man and repeated my baby-talk and charades routine from the market. At first he handed me a thin stack of advertisements for his company--which appeared to be delivering some type of locally produced food item. His smile was so big that I almost issued an obligatory "Arigatou gozaimasu," and shuffled off with this useless stack of fliers, but I had seen some paper here and I had prayed to find some, so should I really give up my quest because of language limitations? No! I decided to give it one last shot, even though it was exactly 4:00, time to begin the class. Suddenly, light bulbs! "Ah, sousousousou..." he said, and passed me a HUGE pile of old newspaper. I thanked him rapidly and emphatically and hurried to my class with the treasure!
My students and I enjoyed making the scarecrow (whom they later named by adding a syllable from each of their own names.) I was able to teach them verbs like "roll," "squeeze," "crunch," and "push" in addition to reviewing body parts and clothes. It was really fun!
And just as with the scarecrow guts, I'm finding that most things happen in their own perfect time. It's important to notice that...and to try to allow for it, instead of trying so hard to have everything go by some rigid, arbitrary, convenient plan.
I mean, would it have been easier and more preferable that Jason Baldwin, my best friend in the world, had not been wrongfully convicted and forced to spend the last 17 years in prison for a crime he did not commit?? SURE! But that actually happened, and along the way--despite these unthinkable circumstances--this amazing young man has grown and changed and learned...and in turn, has helped and inspired and taught a LOT of people, myself included!!! In fact, it would be hard to think of someone outside my family who has influenced my life more than he. I can concede that a life of freedom would have been desirable. He certainly deserved that. However, I am reluctant to say I wish that had happened. I would not want to take away from the strength of this man (and the two convicted alongside him) or the impact his life has had on so many who may not otherwise have known him. But I also don't intend to downplay my JOY that the Arkansas Supreme Court has ruled that my loving and courageous friend will soon receive a new hearing and ultimately (I believe) a new trial!!! Justice is waiting like a delivery truck full of old paper and shining like a Christmas tree star.
Imagine having a prayer for 17 years----WELL over half my life----and awaking one day to see it being answered at last!! Wow!?!! My family and I, as I'm sure Jason and his family and the families and supporters of the other two innocent men, are beside ourselves with joy! :) I almost don't even know what to do with this much joy! :) There is this hasty, nagging feeling that tags along with this good news: "I'm ready for it to happen NOW!" but I soothe and abate that by remembering God has a way of unfolding our stories in ways that are deeper, more meaningful, and more gratifying than our tiny, impatient brains could ever imagine.
I can wait, joyfully.
I sat for a few hours last night, staring at this screen trying to write something...because it felt like time. Even though I have a lot going on, nothing seemed to jump from my brain to my fingers, from my fingers to the keys. So... What changed between then and now? Only everything. Only nothing at all.
I've been thinking lately of trying my hand at writing (and illustrating?) children's books. I already have two stories in mind. I'm thinking they share a main character, so maybe they become a series...like Amelia Bedelia, only more compassionate. I imagine her to be a young woman living in Japan, and she'll have all of my quirky qualities (humble solitary living, vegetarianism, outspokenness, love of animals and art and storytelling, and various eccentricities), only she'll be Japanese! In one story she'll proclaim her intention to never kill another living thing--no matter how big or small-- and will subsequently encounter all kinds of critters (slugs, roaches, spiders, lizards, gnats, bees, moths, snakes, toads, and mice) who mysteriously make their way into her home and force her to put her theory to the test. I suspect she'll face her fears and cultivate a new kind of caring. In the other story, she will befriend the neighborhood gang of stray cats. Signs are posted all through town, urging people not to feed the cats, but our protagonist will pay no mind. Though she's rather poor, she will share what little she has with her furry friends, and in return they will find ways to enrich her life: Collecting seeds in their fur then bathing in her yard and "planting" a surprise garden, bringing her ribbons and scraps for her to use in her artwork, and things like that...While simultaneously wreaking havoc in the life of the curmudgeon down the street, of course. ;)
Yes, these are the things I think about when I'm walking around Japan. Homesickness has had its way with me a time or two and I feel really different sometimes; really alone. But the impact of this loneliness is not bad at all. I'm inspired by it! It deepens my understanding of others who feel misunderstood or as an outsider somehow.
When I really relax into my life here and remember that I was LED here; when I stop worrying about fitting in or feeling scrutinized, I find things tend to flow with great ease, and work out just as they should.
For example (and this is just one of MANY! ...I wish I'd been writing these down!), on Tuesday I was so excited to teach my children's class at Ebina. The 3rd of 3 classes each month is always an art class and in preparation for Halloween and to coincide with their recent study of English names for body parts and clothing, I planned to oversee the construction of a life-sized SCARECROW! My partner/friend Saida assumed responsibility for obtaining men's clothing for this project and I set about collecting all the other supplies. When Tuesday rolled around, I had everything we needed...except stuffing. I'd asked around and hunted, but hadn't been able to locate any hay or assemble enough old paper for this task! After my Japanese language class, I was FRANTIC to find some kind of stuffing before my class started 3 hours later. No luck, so I got on the train toward the church--racing through the neighborhood in my mind; mapping out where I would look and shops I would visit along the way. Between the station and the church, I scanned alley ways and trash bins and stopped by a market and asked a butcher for old paper. (I explained my situation by acting things out and sputtering broken Japanese, "kakashi"..."kami"..."naka"..."doko"..."desu-ka?") Haha! ...He took me to the toilet paper aisle. ;)
I hurried out of the market, and that's when I did something I seldom if ever do...I tossed out an, "I need some help here, God" prayer. "Do your thing," I plead with a chuckle. Rounding the corner, with only a minute's more of walking to the church, I saw a delivery truck. The driver was standing behind it and the back panel was open. The man moved one of the green plastic crates, checked something in his notebook, then removed a wad of old newspaper and set it aside. "Are you serious?" I said softly but aloud. I approached the man and repeated my baby-talk and charades routine from the market. At first he handed me a thin stack of advertisements for his company--which appeared to be delivering some type of locally produced food item. His smile was so big that I almost issued an obligatory "Arigatou gozaimasu," and shuffled off with this useless stack of fliers, but I had seen some paper here and I had prayed to find some, so should I really give up my quest because of language limitations? No! I decided to give it one last shot, even though it was exactly 4:00, time to begin the class. Suddenly, light bulbs! "Ah, sousousousou..." he said, and passed me a HUGE pile of old newspaper. I thanked him rapidly and emphatically and hurried to my class with the treasure!
My students and I enjoyed making the scarecrow (whom they later named by adding a syllable from each of their own names.) I was able to teach them verbs like "roll," "squeeze," "crunch," and "push" in addition to reviewing body parts and clothes. It was really fun!
 |
| Masamotayu the Scarecrow |
I mean, would it have been easier and more preferable that Jason Baldwin, my best friend in the world, had not been wrongfully convicted and forced to spend the last 17 years in prison for a crime he did not commit?? SURE! But that actually happened, and along the way--despite these unthinkable circumstances--this amazing young man has grown and changed and learned...and in turn, has helped and inspired and taught a LOT of people, myself included!!! In fact, it would be hard to think of someone outside my family who has influenced my life more than he. I can concede that a life of freedom would have been desirable. He certainly deserved that. However, I am reluctant to say I wish that had happened. I would not want to take away from the strength of this man (and the two convicted alongside him) or the impact his life has had on so many who may not otherwise have known him. But I also don't intend to downplay my JOY that the Arkansas Supreme Court has ruled that my loving and courageous friend will soon receive a new hearing and ultimately (I believe) a new trial!!! Justice is waiting like a delivery truck full of old paper and shining like a Christmas tree star.
Imagine having a prayer for 17 years----WELL over half my life----and awaking one day to see it being answered at last!! Wow!?!! My family and I, as I'm sure Jason and his family and the families and supporters of the other two innocent men, are beside ourselves with joy! :) I almost don't even know what to do with this much joy! :) There is this hasty, nagging feeling that tags along with this good news: "I'm ready for it to happen NOW!" but I soothe and abate that by remembering God has a way of unfolding our stories in ways that are deeper, more meaningful, and more gratifying than our tiny, impatient brains could ever imagine.
I can wait, joyfully.
 |
| My best friend Jason: Our love has traipsed a rugged terrain, and only God knows where we'll go from here :) |
11:23 PM |
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