June 10, 2011 (Back in Japan!!)
Please forgive the delay in updating this blog. After I wrote the last entry, I was no longer "RheAnn in Japan." I went home to the United States for what I thought would be a 3 week visit--time for me to be with family and time for things to "settle down" here in Japan. As we all know, many terrible conditions still exist here in Japan and no one knows what the immediate and long-term effects of the nuclear crisis will be. People here in the Yokohama/Tokyo area were not directly affected by the tsunami, but the interconnectedness that exists between humans, especially within their own nation, has left many people feeling tremendous grief and confusion mixed with worry over radiation exposure and future disasters. By and large, the people of Japan (native and foreigner alike) are attempting to reassemble their lives in light of this collection of tragedies. There is no such thing as "normal" now...for ANYone. One can't merely carry on with life as before. Even if that is the appearance given, rest assured there is a tightly-wound reel of emotions stored deep within and closely guarded lest a sneaky fish hook the line and send them spinning into a sea of chaos.
Indeed, I am finding there is a very tangible sense of "holding it together" among my friends and even amongst strangers. How DO you carry on after such tragedy? How DO you move forward with such uncertainty? ...And furthermore...How do I?
During my extended stay in the USA, I put most of my time and attention into self-care, raising funds and awareness for relief efforts in Japan, and spending QUALITY time with my family and friends in anticipation of further separation upon my imminent return. During a visit to my best friend Cliff's home near Nashville, TN, I was fortunate enough to encounter the 13 year cicadas! (Yes, that's right, I said "fortunate.")
Anyone living in Middle Tennessee (and parts of Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Alabama, Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Virginia, the Carolinas, and Georgia, apparently), know all too well the wonder that is The Return of the Cicadas. This summer marked the 13th year in their life-cycle. Save the 3 or 4 weeks they spend buzzing around North America en masse, these unique insects spend their entire lives underground! They attach themselves to tree roots and live and grow there feeding off the juices of the tree. Then, like clockwork, every 13 years, they all climb up and out of the earth, shed their skins, dry their wings, then begin the process of mating and egg-laying that precedes their death. This is how they were made!! This is their purpose!!!
My visit to Tennessee coincided with their period of emergence. I am not exaggerating by saying there were BILLIONS of these bugs. They were EVERYWHERE!! They buzz and sing at all hours and show no fear of human interaction (landing in hair, perching on lunch plates, and so on), so the ratio of cicada to human can become a bit overwhelming. Once I got past some of these things, however, I began to feel amazed by these little creatures.
I mean…God made an animal whose purpose in life is to live and grow beneath the earth for THIRTEEN YEARS! And I was fortunate enough to witness their first (and last) experience of life above ground. Amazing.
They're clumsy, cicadas. (And who wouldn't be after a damp, dark life like theirs?) They don't seem able to direct themselves well in flight which gives their journey an appearance of joy and abandon. I imagine they're completely carefree and in awe of sunshine and moonlight and leaves and all the atmospheric and environmental features of a life outside of dirt. "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" they must be thinking! J
At Centennial Park with my friend Stewart, a lone cicada teetered over and sat between our feet as we shared a squeaky old swing overlooking a beautiful garden. I nearly cried because, though he was one of billions, this tiny moment in the scheme of his life was HUGE…and there we were, two old friends from college, able to SEE him experiencing the world—and all its newness and impermanence. It was profound for me.
By now, I imagine the next phase of the cicadas' purpose has been achieved. The eggs are likely laid near trees throughout the area and "Mom" and "Pop" are breathing their last of that air they waited a lifetime to partake. …I wonder if anyone really misses them…
I also can't help but feel I'm like a cicada.
As I said, my time in the States was bittersweet and relatively quiet. I resided in a state of limbo, to a degree—not knowing when I would be able to come back here to Japan…and what things would be like when I did. My experiences after the earthquake had me shaken up (no pun intended) and it took a considerable amount of time to process what had happened and to embrace life with and among my family, friends, and fellow Americans after so much time away. I really hadn't anticipated coming back until 2013, so being there under such conditions made for a swirl of mixed emotions that I was not prepared to handle. With love and support (and therapy!!), I got back on track and felt ready to plan my return. My time underground seemed to be drawing to a close.
I prayed very hard and tried to make sure I was making good and informed decisions about my future in Japan—not an easy task in the face of so many unknowns. I put my trust in the committees in the US and Japan who oversee my work and when it was suggested to me that I should come to Japan and get my things, I cried. But God soothed me with believing my departure would be a temporary one; that I'd come back to Japan as soon as my employers gave the go-ahead.
Much to my dismay, though, and for reasons that are not entirely clear to me, a decision was made that my position as the Fraternal Missionary in Japan would be eliminated, so the return I'd so been looking forward to was instantly transformed into a dreaded period of goodbyes. (I arrived here on 6/4 and leave again on 6/20.) L
It hasn't been so bad, though, frankly. There is a depth of love that exists here between me and my students and friends that is immune to distance and separation. …I can't really explain it. (And maybe that's a good thing?)
So here I am…fluttering around like a clumsy cicada. I have no idea how to do what I must do…and I have no idea what happens after this. I only hope that I am living my purpose.
PRAYER REQUESTS:
- At the exact moment that Stewart and I were marveling at that single cicada, my 5 year old nephew Creson was being rushed to the hospital after having a seizure. Nothing like this has happened to him before (or to anyone in our family, for that matter), so the whole ordeal has been pretty scary. He has been undergoing several tests, the results of which we should know soon. Please pray for a good diagnosis and please pray for his sweet little heart. He is a tender and emotional boy whom is loved by everyone he meets. Also pray for my brother and sister-in-law and Creson's brother and sister, Karson and Abbi, during this stressful time.
- Yesterday I learned from my student Miyo that her hometown in northern Japan was completely devastated—her mother and sister and their families losing their homes and all of their belongings. Miyo's brother is a school principal in the radioactive zone and is overseeing a shelter just outside the area and cannot leave. For many weeks, 10 members of Miyo's family came to Yokohama to live with her—which I'm sure was as much a relief as it was overwhelming. Now only her mother remains, with the others having returned to a shelter up north, which Miyo and her mother try to visit often.
- I also learned that my student Yumiko has had to have her father placed in hospital care permanently. He has been very sick for a very long time and Yumiko has taken on his care, travelling to and from his home (which is not at all nearby) every week. He is suffering…and so is Yumiko. Please pray for her to feel peace and rejuvenation and please pray that others will find a way to help and support her during this tremendously difficult time.
- Tomorrow will be 3 months since the tragic earthquake and tsunami that claimed so many lives and devastated this great nation. Join me in prayer and also renewed commitment to these people and this place.
- I'd also like to request your prayers for me as I move through my final days here in Japan. May I do so with grace and ease and may I impart in the lives of each person with whom I come into contact a tiny percentage of the love and care I have felt and received from all of you. THANK YOU.
