2PM March 12, 2011

(nearly 24 hours after the initial 8.9 mag earthquake)

Things here in Yokohama are calming.  After my last blog, I experienced two more earthquakes--MUCH smaller than the one that spurred the tsunami--and several small aftershocks.  Around 6AM, I finally managed to fall asleep and I rested for about 5 hours on and off.

Waking up, I felt dread.  I knew that daybreak would have shed light on the vastness and horror of yesterday's catastrophe and would awaken in me a sense of helplessness, not unlike what millions of people around the world must be experiencing as they watch the news.

I feel driven to assist, but unsure of how to be the most helpful.

I realized after sitting with this discomfort for several minutes that "help" is not merely something one can do in order to make themselves feel better.  Would I be a hero if I traveled to Miyagi or Fukushima or would I merely want to FEEL like a hero?

No, that is not the place for me.  That is not where I can be of use right now.  It is frustrating, but I don't yet know WHAT I can do.  I have CPR and first aid training and have done search and rescue as a volunteer in Colorado, but with weak Japanese language skills and lack of transportation, I would become more of a burden to the process than a blessing.

So like many others...I must wait.

God's timing is beyond our understanding, but I have learned (and re-learned) to trust it.  I knew by the way everything came together for me to come here to Japan that I was meant to be here for some tremendous purpose.  Perhaps this horrific tragedy is just that.

Today I will clean my house and make it ready to host a displaced family...just in case there is a family who wants to stay with me.  (I have plenty of space, plenty of futons, and plenty of nurture.)

Today I will begin to organize my mind around the possibility of a mission trip to the devastated area in the late spring or summer.  I'm sure many church members, foreign residents, and university students are hoping to assist.

Today I will pray for people I know who have been unable to contact family members and friends in the tsunami's path and for the thousands of people I DON'T know who have lost much and been deeply traumatized.

And today, I will practice a very deep kind of compassion and a very real kind of trust.  I will not feel guilty, feeling that I should be doing "more."  Instead I will stay as connected to the suffering as possible and will open and open and open myself to any possibility to directly help my neighbors in the north.  God will make the plan known to me when the time is right.

I must retain faith and hope.

There is a worldwide tapestry of love draped around Japan now.  I am part of it...and I am in it.

Amazing.

Comments (1)

On March 12, 2011 at 10:29 PM , Unknown said...

RheAnn, I am so proud of you. God may well have brought you to Japan so you can help in this time of need. Maybe the best thing you can do right now is to pray and show the people you know who cannot contact their loved ones that you care. There is a line in the AA book that I find helpful..."Acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting for Him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to Him; however it turns out, that's God's will for me." I don't know, it makes sense to me. When I focus on that, the answers become clear. Take care and I will continue to pray for you and all of the people affected.

Ray