1:45 AM March 13, 2011

(35 hours since the initial 8.9 mag earthquake)

My current location is approximately 330 kilometers from the epicenter of Friday afternoon's earthquake.  (That is roughly the distance between Nashville and Memphis.)  I am not in any warning zones for hazardous radiation leakage or potential future tsunamis.

Just as in America, when faced with potentially being stranded, Japanese make a run for bread and milk (and tofu and noodle bowls and other prepared food items.) Most of us here use gas to cook and that is incredibly dangerous during an earthquake or aftershock.

During the day Saturday, the Yokohama area experienced quite a few very small aftershocks and 2 rather noticeable ones.  Nothing on Saturday was remotely CLOSE to anything we experienced here on Friday.  In fact, the day was rather uneventful, so to speak...

I've tuned in to Japanese news and BBC World news in alternation.  I can't understand much of what is being said in Japanese, but feel like I would be alerted to immediate danger more quickly through that avenue than through BBC.

Well...I'm not exactly sure of that, actually.  There is a VERY distinct difference between Japanese and Western cultures when it comes to journalism, I've noticed.  In Japan, the approach to reporting is, "Stay calm.  Everything will be fine," while in the US and in the BBC coverage of this tsunami, the focus is more dramatic.  "LOOK at this destruction!"  "MARVEL at this death toll!"  "WORRY about future danger!"

In Japan, we hear "Just wait and see," while in America, we're conditioned to "Fix!"  We see people hurting and we went to help.  NOW!

These two ways of thinking and being are conflicted within me each and every moment, resulting in something more like paralysis.  This paralysis should not be mistaken for uselessness however.  I am DEEP in prayer, and nearly constantly.

I respect Japanese culture so very much and the idea of "calm" really appeals to me.  The American in me, though, wants to multitask.  "OK, so what can we do WHILE we're waiting?"

Church leaders and members here in Japan Presbytery will organize some kind of response and relief soon and I hope to link their efforts to any and all of my supporters who seek to be of assistance to Japan in the wake of this unprecedented disaster.  (Trust me.  I WILL update you.)

But like everyone else, I'm suspended in a state of inaction--praying and waiting, trying to make sense of all that has happened, preparing for what may lie ahead.

And tonight as I sat in meditation, something very alarming occurred to me--this idea of "calm"...this WORD "calm."  In my upbringing and through my education at Naropa University, I was encouraged to give voice to my thoughts and feelings and to bare my very soul to others and the needs of others.  To some, especially to some Japanese, I seem overly emotional and expressive at times (and maybe I am.)  But I have to tell you...my whole BODY is sore from what happened to it on Friday.  When I try to sleep, I frequently jerk and jolt, feeling like I'm falling or dreaming of being shaken or crushed.

An 8.9 earthquake is traumatic!
Watching video of people--your fellow country men and women--and cities--your homeland--being washed away is traumatic!
Enduring frequent aftershocks and living without the stability of your daily routine is traumatic!
Worrying that people and animals and the environment of your country may be forever impacted by a nuclear meltdown is traumatic!

Even as the stores reopen and some trains begin to resume their courses and life in much of Japan returns to "normal," people here are hurting.  On noticeable and subconscious levels, we are traumatized.

But the solution to this panic and pain is to "Stay calm."  What does that MEAN exactly?

I worry that people here will suppress and internalize their intense feelings in unhealthy ways.  In a nation whose suicide rate is staggering, the impact of this disaster may far outlast Western (AND local) media coverage and international interest.  I worry that depression ignited or inflamed by recent events will take root and grow out of control.

So along with my prayers for the people in Tohoku region and their families, and for government officials and relief workers and THEIR families, and for all the hardworking people who are striving to manage the situation at the nuclear reactor in Fukushima and THEIR families, and for the achy, shaky earth, I add hope for healing and comfort to any and all who are hurting because of this disaster--no matter how they were physically affected.

May this tragedy change us all, forever, and may we allow it.  THAT, I feel, would be true "calm."